Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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