Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
