I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
