Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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