kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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