i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
