While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
