He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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