I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
