Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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