I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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