My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
