every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
