this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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