Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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