need another drink. this is the easiest way
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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