i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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