Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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