Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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