We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
