i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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