And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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