i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
