Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Enjoy the penises
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
