i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
