Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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