Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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