Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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