your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
