he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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