i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When are your genitals available?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
