Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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