it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
