i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it hurts more in the daytime
Farmville is her only friend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
