Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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