It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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