I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
