Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need a beard to bite.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize