fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
