Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
