mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
