It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
