I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
