I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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