so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
