I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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