the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
