I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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