remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
