Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
