I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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