I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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