Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
