I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
