I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
