It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
