Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My friends, they love my intelligence
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
