eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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