my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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