So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
