Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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