Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
