I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
