My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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