So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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