I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
