I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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