he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
