no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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