i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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