I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
