I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
