:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
