But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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