can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
